Back in 2016 had the shot that back then I didn’t think anything of it, and my poor mother hadn’t either. It was the HPV shot or now known as the “Gardasil” vaccine to protect against any ovarian cancer or sexually transmitted diseases. I later got another round of it right before school started and that’s when things when from bad to worse. I had developed chronic migraines and orthostatic hypotension. I had horrible leg and back pain, migraines that were so debilitating I had my mom come get me almost everyday because the lights and noises set me off into a panic because of the pain. My freshman year was not what I dreamed of high school to be, being in the hospital, going to multiple doctors appointments and the boy I liked would eventually find another girl to move on to. I remember, if I did something fun one day like go to a concert or hang out with friends and be home at a decent time. I would go to bed and hardly wake up the next day because my body was just so tired from trying to keep up with my low blood pressure (which back then I didn’t know what was really going on)
Fast forward to 2024, I was working at Starbucks hitting my year mark, when I started having random symptoms of blood pooling and fainting spells that were happening at least twice a week at that point, but everytime I stood up, bent over and spun around too quickly (which with this job you’re always moving) I would feel lightheaded and weak and this wave of tiredness took over my body and I couldn’t even speak out full sentences because of intense cognitive distress aka MASSIVE brain fog. It got to the point I was calling off, or leaving early because I couldn’t do my job. I later would be put on medical leave which would later make me see I was unfit for work and have to put in my two weeks, I was devastated. I come to find out from a neurologist that I had something called “Autonomic dysfunction” or “Dysautonomia” which basically means my nervous system is crying for help and can’t function properly and if you weren’t aware the nervous system literally controls everything so, that means my G.I issues are worse than before, I have bladder incontinence, back, hip and leg pain and blood pooling along with my other symptoms. And now here we’re are in April 2025 and it’s slowly has gotten worse, it’s messed with my sleep so I’m hardly sleeping, my anxiety is off the charts bad because of this disorder along with my lack of sleep and my depression is terrible. I’m also no longer allowed to drive as to I caused an accident (minor) due to me having an intense episode of brain fog and got the peddles mixed up and hit the person in front of me instead of braking, super embarrassing I know. This illness is lonely, because the people around you want to help, but they can only do so much because they don’t know what your symptoms feel like or how they make you feel. You feel isolated from your own sense of self and the only thing you have to look forward to is any form of movement you can do for your body that won’t send you into a flare up. I love lifting weights and running but lately I’ve had to switch things up because my body is so tired and can’t lift as much as it once did. I grieve who I was before I got sick and I miss her, but I just need to move forward.
-Caraline
